Wealthy Political Donor Wants All His Money Back

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BOSTON, Mass--The news for super wealthy donors that buy elections hasn't been good.

So far, donors have funneled more than $520 million collectively into campaigns and outside groups supporting Republican presidential candidates who have now dropped out — and the primaries are far from over. Source Time.com

One political donor, Jack Swanson President and CEO of Spew Chemical, is outraged.


"I put all my money on Jeb and he turned out to be a dud. The guy couldn't get arrested. Then I put more millions into Marco and that loser turned into a comedian on the campaign trail." Swanson said in an exclusive interview yesterday.

"So now", Swanson continued,"They are telling me to throw more money at Hillary and Cruz. But I spent several millions already and all I get is a thank you."

Swanson said he had been investing a lot of money into the 2016 presidential bid since he wants to make sure his business interests are protected. He expressed a great deal of annoyance that he has blown millions on losers and that means his operations may not be protected by the next President.

"Look there may be a chance that we get a President that might actually demand meaningful regulations and  environmental protections. This would cut into our profits. We might not be able to get away with producing and dumping dangerous carcinogens into the environment. I have been paying a fortune to make sure that doesn't happen"

"But I am getting tired of losing money. I want my money back!" Swanson declared.

So now he is asking that those political action committees and campaigns that he has contributed to give him his money back.

"Look this was supposed to be a sure thing. I am not a gambler. Now with this Trump clown there are no sure things." Swanson lamented.

Political Correspondent Chino Idiota