Rubio Says More Moral Victories Coming, Changes Campaign Slogan to "Rubio! for the Fun of It"

MIAMI, Florida--A campaign spokesperson, who spoke on condition of anonymity since that person was not authorized by the Rubio Campaign to speak on the record to the press because that person is not a very good speaker and usually has trouble articulating the Rubio Campaign talking points even though that person is a campaign spokesperson, said yesterday that Rubio will never quit running for President.

After a humiliating defeat in yesterday's Super Dooper Tuesday Republican Primary, Senator Marco Rubio discussed the way forward in his quest toward winning the Presidency. Rubio, after failing to win one delegate in any of the several states that held primaries or caucuses or dinner parties or get togethers, told his campaign staff that this was not a loss but a moral victory.

Rubio was quoted as saying to his staff, "Look I am not going to let a guy with small hands and a really bad spray tan win the Presidency. I will never stop running."

In a gesture to prove his point, Rubio ran around the headquarters repeatedly for what many believe was well over an hour and said that a con man couldn't run like that.

According to the anonymous campaign spokesperson, Rubio was informed that the billionaires that buy elections no longer thought he was a good investment. Rubio, it was reported, laughed and said, "Who needs their money. I am going all the way, just like I did on my first date."

Rubio said that he had a lot of laughs making fun of Trump over the last several weeks and that laughter is indeed the best medicine.

"Look, I am going to make people laugh all the way to the Presidency." Rubio declared.

Rubio was evidently also encouraged by the fact that people were laughing about his inability to win any major states despite having spent hundreds of millions of dollars. He told his staff that laughter is the key to many more moral victories.

Rubio demanded that staffers begin working on material that will make for the best jokes ever seen in any political campaign. Rubio left the room and came back dressed in a clown outfit yelling that the new campaign theme will be "Rubio! for the Fun of It."

At Rubio Campaign Headquarters today staffers were seen dressed in funny outfits and make-up trying to make each other laugh. The biggest laugh line seemed to be when one-staffer joked, "What is smaller than Donald Trump's hands? Rubio's delegate count!"


Political Analyst Chino Idiota